Ranting about lame stuff
Sometimes you hear things in the world that you were never supposed to hear.
When you’re quiet, you can hear the rustle of trees in the wind, the crackles of the walls in the old house shifting as it grows older. Sometimes I can hear footsteps of my parents in my sleep. It's like my body is telling me someone is nearby. That's how I usually wake up in the mornings, I hear footsteps approaching my bedroom even if they are softer than a pen drop. If there is anything I can recognize in life it's the footsteps of my own parents. I can tell them both apart just by the length of their steps, the speed and the quality of the “thump” or “flop” of the shoe. My dad being slow but heavy and my step mother being quick and flimsy. My body knows how to react to either one determining the emotion in each step. Usually my stepmom is angry with me whenever she comes to my room and my mind prepares my body for a big lecture on anything that I've ever done to displease her. Which usually consists of eating without asking or borrowing her charger without asking. This quickly escalates into a 2 hour argument which leaves me in tears and her running to tell my Dad how awful I am.
When my Dad approaches, he usually just wants to make sure I'm doing good, or just wants to know what I'm doing. My dad doesn't get angry with me much but when he does.. It's not very pretty at all. It's usually whenever I tell my biological mother about what happens between me and my stepmother. He somehow finds out and gets really angry because he wants my mom to think everything is sunshine and rainbows when im at his house. He doesn't want to face the truth behind certain things going on in our home.
When my stepmom and my Dad talk, they usually talk about me. They both say how bad i am and that i do this or i didn't do that. And then when i walk in the room they change the subject like I couldn't hear everything they've said from the room over. I think they hate me. I think they just wished I were a boy or something. Sometimes I wish I were a boy so I didn't have these feelings. I'd probably have different feelings they wouldn't approve of. Maybe there is no loophole. Maybe not yet.